I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
