Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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