I cannot find my penis.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
