So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
