i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
