Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
