Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
