Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
