I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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