I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
