Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
