i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
soo... how was my night?
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