well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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