Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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