Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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