I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Two words: blizzard sex
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
