You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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