i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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