haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
