She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
