I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
