Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Randomize
