Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
