He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
that may or may not have been my penis.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
