There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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