you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
