Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize
