i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Randomize
