Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
