I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
two words: eviction party
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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