I need help removing her.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
