just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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