I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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