I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
you never un-have a 4some
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
