...so i touched it.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
