Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
