It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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