so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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