there's paper in my vomit.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
