Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
