Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
