I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
