I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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