My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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