so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
