..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
