I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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