I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
