Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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