i was rollin on her like bob the builder
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
