problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
