dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
