You just made me feel so damn special
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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