Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
