she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
