eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
