we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
