Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
