I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
